Rank Duke

Senior Surveys

The Dirty Devil | Catherine York | April 20, 2016

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If there is one thing we know about seniors, it is that they love to tell us what they did right, what the rest of us are doing wrong, and how damn fast college goes by. I tried to put all that condescending energy to good use so the rest of us baby Dookies can capitalize on both their successes and failures. Special thanks to the class of 2016 for their very entertaining responses.

BEST ACCESSIBLE ROAD TRIP

The top real suggestions were…

  1. Asheville
  2. DC
  3. Myrtle Beach
  4. Charleston
  5. Outerbanks
  6. Eno River State Park
  7. Mountains: Boone, Sugar Mountain for skiing, Blue Ridge Parkway

Some more creative suggestions…

  1. The ABC store
  2. Cookout
  3. Buy a school bus on Craigslist and drive to Oregon
  4. East Campus

WORST COFFEE ON CAMPUS

And the winner is… Vondy! According to 40% of our helpful seniors.

Honorable mention to the trashcans in Perkins.

BEST WAY TO STAY AWAKE DURING LECTURE

I clearly chose the wrong demographic to ask of this. The overwhelming response was something along the lines “don’t go.” Other variations included “fuck it” and “haha going to lecture lmao.” Some more insightful ideas for those of us who may be more interested in attending class are listed below:

  • Browse real estate options
  • Online shopping
  • Cocaine
  • Sleep the night before
  • Tape eyes open
  • Pinterest
  • Jumping jacks
  • Chew gum
  • Pop addy
  • Doodling
  • Facebook

WORST DARE

Eating at Penn gained multiple responses… guess we’re all ready for West Union to open up.

Don’t worry, I heard it’ll be ready by the time the class of 2020 comes back from abroad.

Start a counter-protest against the protesters.

Follow up article to come: did this ever happen?

Wearing a fleece onesie to Shooters.

Can confirm this is not a great experience and be prepared to sweat more than the entire student section at the UNC game.

Kill your family.

Felt the need to include this response purely because I had no idea how to react to it.

BEST PLACE TO HOOK UP IN PERKINS

It’s 1:00am in Perkins. You’ve been sitting at the same cubicle since 4:00pm with breaks only to pay for your Sushi Love and get coffee from Vondy (which apparently is a questionable life choice). That boy you’ve been hooking up with (maybe even almost exclusive with?!?) has been texting you all day and throwing some not so subtle innuendos in there as well. Definitely overusing the winky face but we’ll cut him some slack. Maybe if you hadn’t spent two hours stalking your ex’s new girlfriend and sending pictures of her and her entire extended family to your girlfriends in order to receive the oh-so-necessary validation that neither she nor her dogs are as cute as you, you would have had time to make the 5 minute trip to a hook-up appropriate location. However, you’re pre-med so of course a 5 minute study break is entirely out of the question. But does it count as a study break if you never leave Perkins…?

The answer is no!! And here are some places to make your dreams come true and also places I will now forever avoid:

  • L2
  • Study rooms
  • Stairwells (because who actually uses the stairs)
  • 4th floor Bostock  
  • Reserve any room in the Link and go at it

WORST PLACE TO STUDY IN PERKINS

Literally anywhere on the first floor

BEST SPOT IN THE GARDENS

Most of America seems to agree that Duke is, by all objective measures, the worst. The students are obnoxious and elitist, our mascot is a jovial interpretation of Satan, and people protest the changing of the leaves because why not. However, there is one thing about Duke that any sane-minded human can agree upon: the gardens are amazing and beautiful and sometimes appear to be the only thing worth living for (looking at you, midterms weeks). Here are some of the highlights to be sure to visit and, of course, Instagram ~artsy~ pics of:

  • Tea garden
  • Duck pond
  • Red bridge
  • The carnivorous plant area of the blomquist native plant section
  • Bamboo forest
  • Japanese birdwatching hut
  • Gazebo
  • Coffeeshop

WORST BATHROOM

Now that you know some of the best places at Duke, here are some of the worst (specifically in the toilet category:

  • Craven
  • BC (specifically the one by the bookstore)
  • First floor Perkins
  • Social Sciences
  • Divinity School Library
  • Social Psychology
  • Languages 1st floor

Reasons given include “smells like butts,” “that shit is rank,”  and “I’d rather pee outside.”

WORST DORM

We all love to complain about our dorm. Mine is smaller than yours. His smells bad. She has to live next to DSig. We all have our problems. But these seem to be the ones with the MOST problems:

  1. Craven
  2. Crowell
  3. Wannamaker
  4. Epworth
  5. Edens

 

WORST PLACE TO HAVE SEX

I can’t decide if you people are creative or disgusting. It’s honestly a little concerning how many of these answers appeared more than once.

  • Tunnels
  • Public restrooms
  • 2nd floor Marketplace (if you’re a freshman reading this, keep in mind it looks about 10 times better today than it did when the seniors were freshmen)
  • Swinging benches
  • Chapel pew
  • Koi pond
  • Freshman dorm laundry room
  • Tennis courts
  • My roommate’s bed
  • Under the DSig bench
  • Anywhere in the gardens on a hot day
  • Dorm kitchens

BEST ELECTIVE

Apologies that this helpful list is coming after bookbagging, but keep it in mind when you decide to drop calculus next semester.

  1. American Dreams, American Movies
  2. Creative Writing
  3. Ethics in an Unjust World
  4. Ancient Athletes
  5. Entomology
  6. Enterprising Leadership
  7. Hip Hop Appreciation
  8. Dance
  9. Photography
  10. Medical Photography
  11. Getting Rich (actually is a class)
  12. Photoshop
  13. AIDS & Emerging Diseases
  14. Latin Dance
  15. Animated Film
  16. American Poets
  17. Public Speaking

If I’m being completely honest, my mother should get full credit for this idea. I assume this was her not-so-subtle way to tell me I need to get some life advice. However, there is a very good chance I took this in a direction she was not expecting.