Kwanzaa Pissed It Still Doesn’t Have Own Snapchat Filter

the holiday vies for social media validation

Dookies | Luul Lampkins | December 23, 2015 SATIRE

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Tired of always finding itself in the shadows of Hanukkah and Christmas during the holiday season, Kwanzaa was disappointed to hear that, once again, it will not be getting it’s own Snapchat filter this year. The holiday/festivity/cultural celebration, which many have written off as “too secular to be real,” is running out of ways to prove its validity now that Snapchat rejected its request for a filter for the third year in a row.

“I get it,” explained Snapchat HQ employee Joe Felton as he reviewed the filter submissions for this upcoming Groundhog’s Day. “It’s natural to long for our recognition. People nowadays swear by Snapchat. Need a reason to fight your boyfriend? Ask him why you’re only his #2 BFF on Snapchat. Need to know whether it’s a Hunter or Bean Boots kinda day? Snapchat weather feature. Hell, had it not been for the Bumble Snapchat filters I wouldn’t have even met my current girlfriend.”

The Rival conducted a survey to gauge people’s reaction on this breaking news. While 25% of people said “Why the hell not? Give ‘em a filter” and only 12% checked “WTF is Kwanzaa?,” a whopping 62% said they only use the rainbow puke and flower pot on top of your head filters anyways.

For now, there is no choice but to accept the fact that while at times there have been four filters for McDonald’s in the BC, Kwanzaa is yet to make the Snapchat cut. It will reportedly try again next year but “doesn’t want to get its hopes up since that always ends in failure anyways.” Other important dates on the waiting list to receive their very own filters include Lincoln’s Birthday and Tax Day.

~this article is satirical in nature~