The Super Bowl’s Real MVP

All Hail Queen B

The Dirty Devil | Laure Bender | February 10, 2016

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The results are in. Technically, one of the teams won the Super Bowl (Broncos, Panthers…? I haven’t checked but I’m assuming Broncos since I haven’t been alerted by my friends about discount Krispy Kreme doughnuts yet.) but we all know the real winner. I’ll give you a hint, 7 letters, an accent on the end. You’re still confused? Okay think of the literal epitome of perfection. Exactly, Beyoncé: the real queen of it all.

But seriously if her pal Obama made another huge executive order to make her and Jay-Z the Queen and King of the Queendom of America, I honestly don’t think I’d complain. I think I’d pay taxes without a thought. She and Hillary can start a new America together and go down in history as our fore-mothers. Sorry, I’m on a tangent.

While Chris Martin was the official lead act, his performance has been compared to last year’s left shark. But I beg to differ, left shark was a smash hit, stealing the show from Katy Perry. Bey is the real left shark, upstaging Chris and everyone else on this planet, past, present, and future.

Props at least to Bruno Mars for having the courage to challenge Beyoncé to a dance off though. That’s like walking into an exam that you know you can never pass. He was doomed to lose. Beyoncé even FELL during her dance-off performance and landed on beat so no one noticed. What is it about falling that just makes celebrities more endearing? I mean first Jennifer Lawrence, now Beyoncé. I fell walking into class the other day and people just laughed. Granted my fall was much less graceful (I swear it took me a full ten seconds of falling before I actually landed) and my popularity status is probably at an all time low (really hoping this article will turn things around, fingers crossed) but my fall was much less charming.

Not really sure why Chris Martin decided to pay a tribute to past Super Bowl half time as an American flag waved over his face. ‘Twas weird, Chris, I’m not going to lie to you. Why remind us of Beyoncé’s half-time show? You’re just reminding us of her superiority, not that any of us will ever need a reminder. If that’s not enough, the three acts congregate to sing the last song together, and Beyoncé’s voice triumphs over the two what’s-his-names on stage with her.

Needless to say, Beyoncé like Peyton Manning (I do know one football name) is a second time Super Bowl champion, and we all know which one was the MVP of the night.