The dating scene at Duke can be pretty bleak. My friend, however, was just informing me that she was interested in a number of men. Their names you ask? J.P., Morgan, Bain. Wait, those are just the internships that she’s got her eye on.
A lot of Duke students seem to be more interested in getting their ideal finance internship than dating. To help these students out, I’ve tried to translate the Career Center’s advice into dating advice. Granted, it’s not seamless. Just treat your next date like an interview and let me know how it pans out.
1. Prepare a Resumé.
Write a comprehensive resumé for your potential partners. List your previous relationship experience (e.g. who you have dated, for how long, how you defined the relationship…). It’s fine to include one high school relationship to show commitment but no more, and certainly no middle school relationships. If “your song” was anything written by the Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift (even her new stuff), or One Direction, that relationship never really existed.
Be sure to include two letters of recommendation for a well-rounded resumé: preferably one romantic and one sexual. (Do not include a letter from your mother.)
2. Build your Portfolio (optional).
This one is for the art students out there. Portfolios aren’t necessary but can be a great addition to any application. A portfolio of nudes will show your potential mate what’s going on under the suit and tie. However, portfolios can also harm you in the application process so please proceed with caution.
For example: Chris Pratt before his fitness makeover should not have attached a portfolio, Chris Pratt now definitely should.
3. Be Open to a Range of Positions.
Ultimately, the ability to perform in a variety of sex positions, particularly those that are quite rare, will set you apart from the competition. Having a unique sexual skill set and being flexible will undoubtedly increase your desirability.
For some ideas of potential positions, please see this informational article.
4. Politely Decline Unwanted Offers.
When you are presented with an unwanted offer by an interested candidate, be sure to decline politely. Maintaining a respectable, reputable character can be very important to future partners. Word can spread quickly in business and in the bedroom.
Here is a sample rejection if you find yourself at a loss: “Thank you for taking the time to apply to this position. While I was impressed by your background and experience, I have concluded that another candidate’s qualifications more closely match my need and unfortunately will not be moving forward with your application for this position.”
5. Sealing the Deal.
Assuming that you have made it to the end of the application process, you now have to seal the deal. To ensure that this isn’t simply a temp position, add your date on LinkedIn. The key is to wait a few days so you don’t appear too eager, but be sure to slide into his/her DMs with a follow up note.
Following up is essential. Even if you’re not interested, it’s important to build your network as best as possible. Plus, it’s good to have a fall back if your next offer falls through.
Best of luck. Oh and by the way, I have a formal coming up and need a date. My secretary will be accepting resumes via SideBar. I hope to see you in the final round.