Maybe it’s the countless resolutions that are broken within weeks of making. Or maybe because it turns into an excuse for people who don’t normally drink to become completely obliterated. Maybe it is the anxiety surrounding just who you will be locking lips with when the clock strikes 12. But I can’t stand New Year’s Eve.
After spending the month of December filled with holiday cheer and merrily humming Christmas tunes during every task, I just can’t seem to hype myself up for New Years. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of closing a chapter and turning a new leaf and all that jazz. I just don’t like the pointless fan fare that seems to be so deeply ingrained in it.
*Okay everyone, it’s going to be a new year in a couple hours so let’s all go out, get slammed, forget about all the shitty things that happened this year, and hope that you aren’t awkwardly standing alone at midnight debating whether or not you should just go for it and kiss the rando standing next to you. Oh and you should also make a bunch of promises to yourself that will never see the light of February and were probably way too ambitious anyway.*
Basically, New Year’s Eve needs to DO LESS.
Closing out the year, it would seem logical that people would want to reflect on all that’s gone on, good and bad. Instead of making a tradition of meaningful reflection, we would rather drink our way into the New Year, as if that is propelling it in the right direction. Not to mention this night is usually amateur hour. The general population decides that New Year’s Eve warrants them to drink a little way too fucking much and act like total rookies. Pro-tip: stop trying to make December 31st the best night of your life, lower your expectations or you will probably end up v disappointed.
My grandfather told me as a child that the way you spend the first day of the New Year is indicative of how your year is going to go. As an adult, I’m thinking that was just his way of encouraging us to behave and be productive. But hey, what if he was really on to something? I guess that would mean that December 31st is the last 24 hours you have to do everything you resolve not to be doing next year, so go crazy! If waking up moderately drunk, awaiting a wicked hangover, and praying that you don’t puke is any indication, we are in for a stellar fucking 2016.
Beyond that, New Year’s resolutions are essentially ways to make yourself feel better about the uncertainty of the year ahead. We promise ourselves that things will be different, because it is a new year after all, and commit to just a little more than we could ever actually produce. An ever so popular resolution is “I’m going to finally look like a VS model in 2016 and get in shape and go to the gym everyday”. This one lasts up until you wake up on New Year’s Day and can barely move due to the copious amounts of liquor consumed the night before. And don’t worry, I’m sure you will find an excuse not to go on the 2nd and the 3rd and fingers crossed you even make it there on the 4th.
You never hear a truthful resolution like “I’m going to stop lying to myself about all the lifestyle changes I’m planning on doing in the New Year and just accept it is what it is”. Or “I’m going to try my best to remember it is 2016 and not 2015 when I write the date” – reasonable, attainable, solid. And my personal favorite “I’m going to stop hanging around people who ask me what my New Year’s resolutions are @GreatAuntBeth”.
As we come to accept that resolutions are merely to do lists for the first week of January, I challenge you to think over this whole tradition of kissing someone at midnight. I mean, in my mind, that kiss could possibly turn into your first big regret of the New Year. If you are not consistently seeing someone, this kiss will probably be the most forced and uncomfortable moment of 2016. At the end of the day, When Harry Met Sally rarely turns into a real life story. Very few guys realize they are in love with you at just the right time to find you and confess their love all by midnight. Real talk, they are too busy getting shitfaced with the rest of the country to be doing any real thinking.
New Year’s Eve seems to be designed to highlight every insecurity you have. From your relationship status to anything you dislike about yourself, at one point in the night you will most likely feel compelled to go home and indulge in a little cheesy bread and self-pity.
Fundamentally, New Year’s Eve is like constantly trying to make fetch happen when Regina has told you time and time again that it’s never going to happen. So let’s just stick this holiday in the same category as Valentine’s Day, overhyped holidays with underwhelming results, and kick off 2016 right. We can only hope we aren’t so hammered that we need Ryan Seacrest’s help counting down from 10.