While many couples will head off campus to celebrate their relationships this Sunday–whether that be to dinner, a hotel, or even weekend getaway– many of Duke’s finest lovers will have to stay within the boundaries of campus for various reasons. To inspire these people, I decided to build a fully tested and fool-proof list of the best places to bring your Valentine that are close to home. For all of the single folk out there: stop reading now and go back to being a badass who don’t need no (wo)man. Or keep reading, just in case you find bae in the next 48 hours. It’s up to you.
A picnic in K-Ville
The patch of grass currently home to freezing, sleep-deprived Cameron Crazies marks a perfect spot for a romantic picnic with your Valentine. Between discarded beer cans and blue body paint from games of yore, pop open the bubbly and to-go Waldorf salad from ABP and huddle for warmth. If conversation gets boring, ask tenters passing by why they choose to live in a shantytown when they pay 10k a year for room and board. If things are going well, move between the dirty blue and dirty black tents so you feel right at home getting dirty 😉 .
Moonlight Stroll through Central
Show your Valentine all that the best part of campus has to offer with a romantic walk from Yearby to Oregon street. The sirens from ambulances rushing past and dim glow of the very few safety lights will help set the mood, while the complete lack of security guards will remind you just how alone you two are. If all goes well, take him/her to Dame’s to watch the parade of Frat boys buy out the wine and beer section.
Chapel Gift Exchange
If anything on this campus reminds us of romance, it’s the chapel. Seen from every point on campus, the towering building does its best to remind all those unlucky single students that they are, in fact, alone. But lucky you! You have a significant other. So bring them to the chapel of love at night. Start by canoodling in the pews (you can repent later), and then get on one knee to present them with their Valentine’s Day present (preferably a ring). Will the chapel and this gesture remind them of weddings and commitment? Probably! Is that a bad thing? Might as well try and find out.
Wine Night in Jarvis
If you and your Valentine are looking for a real adventure, take them into a secluded hallway of the East Campus wellness dorm. Pop open some wine, champagne, hell, even that handle of Aristokrat you stole from a rush party, and drink it as fast as you can until an RA comes. Grab hold of your Valentine and run until you lose sight of the RA, who realistically probably doesn’t give a shit. Repeat in every hallway of the dorm until one or more of you blacks out. C’mon, can you think of anything more exhilarating?
Cross-Campus Hide and Seek
My favorite idea spans the entire 24 hours of Valentine’s Day, ensuring that you and your date really maximize your time celebrating the international day of love (or sadness, depending on who you are.). Start at the chapel and give your Valentine an hour to find a hiding spot anywhere on campus. And by anywhere, I mean: east, central, west, science drive, construction sites, Shooters, campus drive, the gardens, all seven grad schools, and every room in the Wa Duke. Then spend the rest of the day looking for your significant other, using only your intuition and two feet as your guide. If you really love them, you should know where they would go. If you never find them, take it as a sign that you don’t belong together and head to Perkins to do work with the rest of the single undergraduate body. Better luck next time.
~this article is satirical in nature~