“I started giving this guy head and he sighed and said, “Dude I’m so not in the mood for this right now.” Really brutal.”
–Sorry for trying to cheer you up when you said you had a shitty day
“I once banged my girlfriend in the classroom that my seminar class meets. The best part is that it was on the desk that the professor teaches from during class. I think about it every time I go to that class. “
–the person sitting to your right
“I was running late one morning (more like all of them) and carelessly threw on a dress draped over my desk chair. It wasn’t until a friend of mine pointed out the “yogurt” I’d spilled all around the neckline–not actually yogurt, but the aftermath of a facial I’d received in a parking lot a few days early. Yikes. “
–I really gotta do more laundry
“So I was going down on this guy and everything was going according to plan. But then it happened. I started to smell something iron-y–like blood. And I promptly realized, I had a bloody nose. While going down on someone.
In a panic, I stopped and ran for the bathroom. The geography of the room though did not work in my favor. As I entered the bathroom, blood pouring down my face, I turned on the light. Fortunately, the light perfectly illuminated his bed, and more importantly, his junk. It looked like a murder scene. On the bright side, it was our first time hooking up. Needless to say, it was our last time hooking up.”
“I hooked up with a guy on the floor of my dorm’s study room (three actually, but who’s counting). I kept a see-through sweater on because of our public location, which was super hot–until homeboy got his braces fully stuck in my sweater, right between the tits. I giggled uncontrollably while he uncomfortably tried to extricate himself. Not exactly the sexy mood we had imagined.”
–Dick was still bomb though
“In the stacks during LDOC!”
–There’s never been an easier Duke graduation requirement
“My girlfriend had just gotten home from a long day at her internship, and of course, we were debating where we would eat dinner that night; however, we happened to be on her bed, sooooo the conversation got a little side-tracked. Instead of sitting around and naming off places to eat (too boring), my girlfriend said “how about I eat your pussy, and you keep naming places?” (yes, we are both girls) In response, I quickly put my hand over her mouth and whispered, “I forgot to tell you your roommate was here!” (There was a wall in between their beds, so she had no idea).Fortunately, my girlfriend’s summer roommate does not go to Duke, but, her best friend does, and last weekend she came to visit Duke. Unfortunately, my girlfriend and I saw her summer roommate while she was here for the first time since the incident, so we smiled and waved and pretended she had no idea how we like to brainstorm where we will eat our next meal.”
–Guess who’s cuming to dinner
“I hooked up with my RA and another RA … in the same week”
–Write me up for that shit
“Back home, my best friend’s apartment seems to always be a place that inspires the savagery out of everyone when her parents are gone. One night when she was having people over I got really drunk and woke up the next morning wearing my skirt as a dress (no it didn’t cover anything) and to a story of walking in on me giving head to a handsome young lad in the very open living room. Embarrassing, but I could shake that off. However, I came back later to help clean up and noticed a suspicious looking box with a—lense(?!?!?) casually hanging out in the corner of the living room’s ceiling. After a little investigating, it turns out my friend’s mom had a feeling shit would go down in her apartment if she went away for the weekend and installed a wireless streaming camera on the wall in order to check out any shenanigans her daughter got up to. Yes she and her boyfriend have a much different impression of their daughter’s Duke student friend and no I haven’t been back since.”
–Accidental-Amateur Porn Star
“I had sex in the trunk of a moving truck while there were 12 other people in the the front of the car.”
“When I was a freshman, my junior in high school sister was staying with me but I still really wanted to go home with this guy. I decided that I should bring her back to his apartment with me and she slept in his roommate’s bed who was out of town. She came into the boy’s room to cuddle with us the next morning while boy and I were both naked and then the three of us had a pleasant drive home back to east.”
–Sex > Sister
“I was hooking up with this guy but I said I felt weird about doing it while his roommate was in the room. He tried to comfort me by saying his roommate was legally deaf and that “it’s fine keep going”
–I mean, if you say so
“one guy i was hooking up with told me i was “just his type: short, brunette, big thighs, and child bearing hips”
“While walk of shaming after a Christmas party, my Faculty-in-Residence and his dog greeted me by holding the door of open as I walked into Southgate wearing knee-high red and white striped socks, a skirt, crop top, ugly sweater vest, and holding a Santa hat. Also barefoot because my slippers were destroyed by the rain and I threw them out. On the way up the stairs, I then ran into my French partner who I had to see again 30 minutes later in our class.”
“I fucked a guy who sang every. single. word. to planes by Jeremih and J. Cole while I was riding him. Every word.”
–J. Cole for LDOC
“I went on vacation in Florida and I was staying at my grandparents house. A boy I had been hooking up with visited me and we had sex with hands over eachothers’ mouths in the guest room approximately 5 feet from my grandparents. “
“During my freshman year, my boyfriend and I were getting bored with our usual sex routine, so we decided to try something more exciting. We snuck around having sex in every public area of our dorm including hallways, stairwells, the laundry room, and even the elevator! We’re still dating today as juniors, and while we don’t do that anymore we still laugh about getting away with it.”
–Nowhere is safe 😉
“My first kinksperience was a little blindfolding, a lot of spanking and ended with me tied to a bed and pounded senseless. I had rope burn, bruises and dirty looks in all my classes to prove it for a week. Take that Fifty Shades.”
-The Ethical Hoe
“I had sex in a Vegas chapel once. I was nervous the whole time and it wasn’t very comfortable but I felt like a BA.”
“I had sex during a shackles event in the crescent bathrooms. Me and my date managed to stay shackled the whole time through it and no one suspected a thing.”
“So i lost my virginity in a church, a bathroom to be exact. My non boyfriend and i went in one of the stalls in the guys bathtoom. Well he sat on the toliet while i sat on his lap, and thay should say enough right there. So i spent about 15 mins trying to insert his penis into my virgin vigina, but that didnt work. I looked down confused and relized he wasnt but as small as my thumb.. when i told him i couldnt i pulled my pants up and was on my way out of the door and he fucking too a shit. In the toliet we where just sitting on!”
“I discovered that having my nipples bitten by another guy is utterly orgasmic. 10/10 recommend”
-The hoe you don’t expect
“One time i accidentally fucked one of my fraternity brothers”
-if you know you know
“One time someone I was hooking up with told me they didn’t eat the whole ass and I said, “Well that’s just wasteful.” I only eat the WHOLE ass.”
“Last night I hooked up with a very hot, very eager young freshman. We’d been going at it for a while and were drenched in sweat when he paused for a moment. He reached over to grab what he must’ve thought was a glass of water next to my bed. Before I could warn him, he did a massive spit-take and sprayed a giant mouthful of moscato all over my pussy. It’s basically lube, right?”
-Drunk in love
“A girl gave me a handjob in the middle of the crowd at LDOC.”
“While I entered in the backwoods of yours truly, North Carolina, I decided to go to a dive bar. I had just gotten my Fake ID and I was ready to spend my non-existent intern money on some good craft beer. I didn’t really know anybody so I went by myself. My friend had sent me some porn to look at the other day, so for some odd reason, I decided to watch it before I went out. Big mistake. Horny was an understatement.
At the bar, I kept making eye contact with this beautiful female. I am straight, but when liquor enters my body and I’m horny, truthfully, anything will do. So she came over and bought me my favorite drink. One turned into two and then three… Oops. I thought I had to vomit, so I went into the bathroom, not realizing she was following me. The minute she entered, she locked the door behind her and jumped on me, literally. Back against the wall, hands caressing my breasts Lord. She was about to go down on me when we heard a knock on the door, so we decided to go back to her place.
Kisses. Clothes on the floor. Hickeys. It was a whirlwind. I was naive and I had no idea what to do, but it all felt natural… in my drunken state. I’m a little into bondage, so when she brought out the handcuffs, I was doing internal backflips. I was excited. She had me down, legs spread, hands tied. Right as I was about to orgasm… The door opens.
In comes her husband.
Her husband. Oh. My. Friggin’. God. HER HUSBAND.
I’m tied and I literally can’t leave. I swear I thought he was about to kill me and kill her. I’m a lover of crime shows… Anything can happen.
But he joins. His pants come off, and he already has a boner. I shit you not, he pushes his wife off and goes straight in while his wife gets on my face.
After I came, I literally had to leave. They wanted me to stay, and thank goodness they didn’t force me to stay there. I reached out to them a week later and we got together again, but that’s a different story.”
–LIIT Hot Mess
And with that, we say goodbye to Sex Week!
Stay freaky, Duke.